Thursday, November 15, 2007

A new Endeavor

I haven't been writing as often anymore mainly because of the lack of time and also because I couldn't think of anything worth writing about. I

Closeness


What is closeness?
When you will be able to say that two people are close?
When they are together, physically? is that necessary?
Can two people miles apart be close? How does that happen?
When their hearts are close? When does that happen?
Do two hearts have to beat as one to be close?
Or is one person's open heart sufficent to initiate closeness?
Does there have to be two open hearts that share?
Can one feel close to somebody but not vice versa?
What is the difference between close and feeling close?
When is one so close yet so far?
When is one so far yet so close?
How does physical proximity play a role with closeness?
Does it matter to be close?
Does knowing what closeness means important?
What is a world without closenesS?
Is there any significance between close (as opposite of open) and close (as a feeling or a reality).
Is there a call to be close to someone or anyone?
Is there a call to be close to everyone?
Is man's being a call to be closed or to be close? or both?

Monday, September 17, 2007

Manga

Oh I've also finished reading the 288 chapters of Berserk Manga. It's an adult manga. referring to it as an adult makes me sound pervertish. hahaha. Hey, it's art! And besides i don't derive sexual pleasure from reading it. And it's not purely sensual anyway, it's mostly brutish gore, lots of cut body parts, cracked skulls, severed torso's and monsters devouring people. But as succesfull comics usually are, it is also about human values of love and friendship or brotherhood and the favorite of Mangaka's which is the conflict between good and evil.

The story is about Guts, a mercernary of the middle anges, who... it's too complicated.. I'll let wikipedia sum it up.

Guts is the protagonist of the story; a tall, muscular male with a huge sword called the Dragon Slayer along with a prosthetic left forearm that has a magnetic grip and also conceals a cannon. Guts is a Byronic Hero; he is born as one who may be able to struggle against Causality, but seemingly unable to affect it on a large scale. The Golden Age story arc of the series revolves around Guts's turbulent childhood and adolescence in a mercenary band after reluctantly being adopted by the band's leader Gambino at the behest of Gambino's lover, Shizu, and his subsequent joining with, and departure from, the Band of the Hawk. The dynamic relationship between Guts and Griffith, the leader of this group, forms the primary focus of the manga for the first thirteen volumes. After the events of the Eclipse, in which he loses his left forearm and right eye, Guts seeks revenge on Griffith. Upon doing so, he is subsequently reunited with Casca after two years separation. After the Incarnation Ceremony at Albion, Guts now travels with a new group of companions. He currently possesses the Berserker's Armor, an ancient, cursed suit of armor that allows the wearer to overcome his physical and mental boundaries in combat greatly increasing his fighting strength. Doing so damages his body and allows his inner beast, a feral dog-like demon, to take over and endanger everyone in the vicinity, friend or foe.

There.. well done, wikipedia. Maasahan ka.

The mangaka is Kentaro Miura, author of Zetman, the first manga I've read after Naruto and One piece. The updates are taking too long though but i they may stilll be worth the wait. And it's also not for kids.

Now, about that social life. I'll be joining my officemates in a Couples Round. It's not romantic. It's what they call "drinking two rounds of beer" then going home after.

http://groups.msn.com/BerserkManga

http://groups.msn.com/ZetManManga

UPDATES

I have a new hobby at the office -- Crossword Puzzles! I used to play Soduku but I've gotten tired of that. And i think what i lack in writing and speaking are words! I always seem to be at a loss for words even with them white people. I am used to writing papers at college but i've always asked help from -Shift F7-. It has always helped. But there isn't any easy access thesaurus in conversations, so there. Atleast Im not letting my callcenter work make my mind dull.


What have i been up to... I have been addicted to Advance Wars in GameboyAdvanced. It's like a Game's of the Generals Game and Chess and Red Alert at the same time. It's an old game, but it is fascinating. There are two players, (either two people, or a versus game with the PC), who move their pieces alternately. The pieces consists of soldiers, planes, tanks, and ship who's movements and firing ranges have exact distances. And there are also factories, shipyards, and airports, where you can continuosly add pieces to your game with the money you get from capturing buildings. I'm still at Mission 16, there are Three more Countries to save. Haha. Talk of Addiction. The Graphics are very plain but it still is enjoyable. :)

I've been reading a lot lately too. Im currently reading the first book of the 13 Wheel of Time Series by Robert Jordan. It seems to be trying to imitate LOTR that's why I'm not to keen on finishing it.

Now where's my social life... Oh no.





Word for the Day:

en·nui [ahn-wee, ahn-wee; Fr. ahn-nwee] –noun
a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom:

The endless lecture produced an unbearable ennui.
—Synonyms listlessness, tedium, lassitude, languor.



Word History: Were they alive today, users of Classical Latin might be surprised to find that centuries later a phrase of theirs still survives, although as a single word. The phrase mihi in odiō est (literally translated as "to me in a condition of dislike or hatred is"), meaning "I hate or dislike," gave rise to the Vulgar Latin verb *inodiāre, "to make odious," the source of the Old French verb ennuyer or anoier, "to annoy, bore." This was borrowed into English by around 1275 as anoien, our annoy. From the Old French verb a noun meaning "worry, boredom" was derived, which became ennui in modern French. This noun, with the sense "boredom," was borrowed into English in the 18th century, perhaps filling a need in polite, cultivated society.

Monday, August 20, 2007

BENTA POOHKIAW

I have always preferred eat bulaga to wowowee but recently, I have been stuck to the former because most of the people in my aunt's house love PUPPY WILLIE. haha. i don't know what they find in that guy.

anway,TL joane showed this, ngayon ko lang napanood benta... hahaha.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

i've been scheduled back to a day shift for about two weeks now, meaning the americans are already asleep, and we would only be getting calls from the usual insomniac and the frustrated customer. I haven't been writing much as I have again lost the interest, I've only been reading and reading. so there...

word for the day: abscond



Then my mother heard people saying that the Miyawakis seemed to have "absconded." I remember asking her to explain to me what the word meant. Nowadays we just say "run away," I guess.

To leave quickly and secretly and hide oneself, often to avoid arrest or prosecution.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Music, Life, and the World


I bought a Creative Zen Nano plus 1 gig with built in mic and fm tuner for 56$. Not bad. An officemate is selling a pirated nano ipod 2 gigs with microphone, fm, and games for the same price, but as pirated devices go, their durability is never certain, so i didn't buy one. And besides, this would be the first device that I actually bought with my own salary so it had to be original and long lasting. People ask why not an Ipod or an MP4. Eh ayoko manghinayang pagnasnatch, commute boy kaya ako. Phone ko nga di ko mapalit palitan, 5 years nang 3350. I will change it when its no longer working but so far it's still faithful to its master. I am attached to my own stuff. Anyway, I haven't been listening to any music lately and I haven't been playing instruments anymore too so I figured a portable player would do well to reconcile me with music. I'll be buying a guitar next week, and will save for a saxophone, if my lungs haven't yet melted with nicotine.

The only two cd's i have ripped to my mp3 are "song for sceptics" and "Horror Movie Soundtracks". Call that balanced. :) Its weird listening to jesuit music while eating at mcdo. The situation reminded me about the annual silent retreat that i had been attending for the past four years, so eventhough hungry, I slowly picked up my fries, slowly chewed them, and slowly drank my soda. I tried eating fast but that seemed to be betraying the music I was listening to. So? I turned off the mp3 player. It's even weirder to listen to horror soundtracks while walking alone on a dark alley. It Feels like some ugly creature is lurking behind the garbage bins waiting for an oppurtunity to grab me and eat me on the spot. Man, i gotta download some other songs.

Music. i think music records lives. And this doesn't only apply to the composer or singer. For example, that song for sceptics track brought me back to the silent, relaxed, holy mood in mirador; the "beautiful girl" makes me remember my childhood nights when the radio station used to play that song; "lonely, mr lonely" on the other hand brings me to afternoon siestas when my deceased grandmother would be listening to her favorite radio drama; "mirror mirror hanging on the wall" to playing a Monster bash game on the pc; etcetera. Hey, i didn't choose those songs, they just played while i did whatever i did. It can be called conditioning in psychology, but i like to call it a recorder of life. naks.

Anyway, what i don't like about portable players though is that the focused hearing seems to weaken all other senses. For example, with the sight, i usually look at everything i pass by--people's faces, reactions, clothes, what they're eating, corners, shops, buildings, sky, (observant eh, pero totoo). But with music blaring on the ears, I just walk straight, look at nothing in particular, and just listen. With the oflactory senses, I smell perfume when people walk past me, i smell the dried sweat on workers clothes at the mrt, I smell foreigners breathing through their mouths, i smell the stink of the sidewalks along EDSA ave, but not when there's music blaring on my ears, I just look straight and listen. With the skin sense, Sa skin, sa jeep, i usually feel the steaming heat of perspiration coming from the arms of seatmates and the soft skin of a lady beside you or the slight brushing of another masculine deficient guy's arm on your waist. mafeeling. Taste... taste is an exemption. i actually taste the food better when listening to something. Even with company, there is a tendency to not notice somebody talking to you or a tendency to make someone repeat what they have already said. So there, that's what i don't like about portable players, listening to the music isolates the listener from the world. I don't bring my player to work anymore, i prefer observing people to staring at nothing and just listening. But as always, that's just me. I'd still be using it though, maybe while reading a book at some coffeeshop, or just to record my voice so i can despise it, or listen to my pathetic attempts in singing.

This would probably be my last entry for the moment, I might be scheduled back to a graveyard shift.

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My Lakbayan grade is C-!

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Created by Eugene Villar.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Dyan's Recipe

Unleaded: 1/2 L a.v., 1L r.h., 100g p.a. juice, pitcher/ice
Diesel: 50 mL g.g., 100 mL sp., 20 mL mat., glass/ice

i just had to note that down before my biochemist-bartender-teammate resigns.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

CALMot ver.2

I met an english blockmate during lunch break today. It was weird. I was smoking while waiting for an officemate who was at 7-11, then there was this girl who looked familiar with two others who were heading my way. I stared at her and she stared back. You know the feeling that you think the person knows that you think you know that person and vice versa if that made sense cause it didn't make sense to me and I don't want to edit it because I don't want it to make sense which is precisely the point of the encouter. (Damn, that was long.) Okay so when they were passing infront of me and we were still staring at each other with the sort of look you'll have when you have that feeling i mentioned, i suddenly asked, kilala ba kita? that sounded stupid. Damn it did. It sounded like she were some previous romantic aquaintance who doesn't deserve to be remembered and me sounding like someone who naturally attracts such aquaintances, not that i don't think I am, coz i think i am, haha, but that's not the point here too. What if she really wasn't the person i thought i knew her to be. Eh di she'll be giving me that, who-the-hell-are-you-freak look or angkapalmo look. I remember peter parker in spiderman3 acting weirdly uncool with the ladies he met when he wore that venom infested custume.. But anyway, i think what made me ask her that was that i was certain i knew her, and her same stare reveals that she knows me too. So to support that, i asked, english blockmate? And true to my belief, she was the person i thought her to be, and I the person she thought me to be, a classmate 5 years ago. So ayun nagkausap din. The feeling wasn't a sudden excitement like when i met magic at our lobby coz we weren't very close then but still it was as sudden and yeah weird.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

one more thing, when i was a kid, I had this kitten that looked like Puss in boots in Shrek. And she had those cute eyes too. I usually brought that kitten to bed with me but one morning I woke up and found her dead. I must have slept on her. hehehehe. damn... So what'd i do, i threw her out the window so that none of my siblings would know how she died. I never told anyone about this, I hope none in my family knows about this blog. :)

Damn... just when the theme is switching to something else not death related, i introduce another death scene. haha. Sorry kitten, I never grieved for you, but i still do remember you. I still love cats and i haven't accidentally hurt any either. :)



word for the day: asanine

His reply was simply contemptuous, given in a pause in which he turned his eyes from Mrs. Harker to me, instantly turning them back again, “What an asinine question!”

1.foolish, unintelligent, or silly; stupid:
2. of or like an ass: asinine obstinacy; asinine features.

(Shrekshrekshrek)2


I have watched Shrek 3 twice already. I don't normally watch movies twice unless there's new company or unless I have a DVD copy. with this one, it's the former. I thought I wouldn't find the jokes funny anymore but I still laughed at some scenes. For me, good jokes are those that make you smile or smirk when you expect yourself not to. Mabenta pa rin ang pinocchio-charming scene. spoiler below

Prince Charming: You! You can't lie! Where is Shrek?
Pinocchio: Well, uh, I don't know where he's not.
Prince Charming: You don't know where Shrek is?
Pinocchio: On the contrary,
Prince Charming: So you do know where he is!
Pinocchio: I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that I undeniably
Prince Charming: Stop it!
Pinocchio: Do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be. If that indeed wasn't where he isn't!

although reading it isn't as funny as hearing Pinocchio say it. :)

Wikipedia lists several cultural references to shrek 3. The following are for me the more interesting ones as, again, i am made to research more about them. spoilers again.

After smashing the second wall, the dazed Queen can be heard humming "A Spoonful of Sugar". Julie Andrews, who plays the queen, sang the same song in Mary Poppins.

The animal call that Snow White uses against the Talking Trees is actually the war cry from Led Zeppelin's Immigrant Song, but the beginning is actually a spoof of With a Smile and Song from the original Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Disney movie.

When Snow White rips the sleeve of her dress, she has a tattoo that says Dopey on it that is referring to the seven dwarfs in the Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Disney movie

Before Shrek and Artie have a heart to heart, Merlin plays the opening music to "That's What Friends Are For".

After Gingy's life flashes before his eyes, he sings "On the Good Ship Lollipop".
When Charming is in his dressing room, you can see the
phantom of the opera's mask and costume.

At King Harold's funeral the theme song for the James Bond movie Live and Let Die is sung - John Cleese (who voiced Harold) played the second Q in the James Bond film series.

In the scene where Shrek is on the ship dreaming about being a dad, the stroller that rolls into his room is from the movie "Rosemary's Baby".

Down went the Lemon



I accidentally swallowed the lemuhn flavored candy i was chewing... (uhhh whatever you do with a friggin candy). I can still feel it on my throat.. kakainis. I mean, I swallow my ascorbic acid without water and I really don't mind feeling medicine on my throat but a candy! Last time i accidentally swallowed one was in grade school... I swallowed a lot of things when i was a kid ranging from duhat to santol seeds (accidentally). But man how could a candy slip so easily down my throat. I coughed it out, but it was too late. nawala na ang tipaklong. grrr... But it's already there. So what else to do than to accept it and burp my lemony breath. haha. Burp... shmell the lemuhn.. :)

word for the day: hurumentado/nanggagalaiti

rachel: something something... mga nanggalaiti na customers... somesomething something hurumentado.

hurumentado: amok/nagwawala
nanggagalaiti: galit na galit

they are common words daw but hey I don't hear that everyday.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

On Death & Of Pleasure


I just finished reading the manga series that i mentioned on the previous log.. Ang galing, another good story, that "carried" me all through the end. Some parts were predictable but all in all, the story was great. twas about some highschool stud who picked up a notebook of some death god who purposely dropped it because he was bored and wanted to see how a human would use it. Anybody whose name is written on the notebook dies of a heart attack unless otherwise specified on the note. This smart stud used it to "purify the world of evil men" by writing down names of criminals or evil doers and thus known as "kira" (for killer). The police and a world renowned detective were after him, and so the story goess... At first i thought the theme was corny, but I wasn't really after the theme knowing how most japanese manga usually talk about humanity and values and goody goody people at the end. So I gave it a try.

I love the feeling that good stories give. There's always the excitement, the heat, that makes you wanna rush and keep on asking, "comeon, what happened next" especially near the ending. And just wanting to know what happened next or just to verify if your guesses will happen, you tend to skip lines and just scan through the whole paragraphs without actually reading them. Only when you've known what had happened , do you go back the lines that were skipped to get a better view of how it happened. I know some who read the end of the book first and then start reading from the beginning. My approach is similar but i don't do that, that would be a major spoil, although... sometimes I do skip pages when i couldn't take the suspense anymore.
I like stories, I don't really care about the literature stuff like themes or constructions or whatever, I'm not a good writer as is evident but i love reading.

The excitement brought about by stories are very different from the sort of feeling i mentioned on the CALMOT entry. The latter was just a very sudden reaction. One time you are just calmly thinking what brand of cigarette to smoke, and then out of the blue you meet some friend you haven't seen, then you get excited and you tend to rush with the questions and the plans of things to do. Its frustrating how the calmness so abruptly transition to excitement. Yeah just like skipping through whole pages in a book just to know the ending. With stories however, just like the diagrams they had us memorize in highschool, the excitement is built up slowly and consistently. The excitement isn't sudden, it's built up towards a peak, and then it'll fling you down and you slowly float down to reach the ground. That is the point where i stop reading for a while and just relish that feeling of reaching ground, the satisfaction of knowing what had happened. ONce that sinks in, im ready to scale another peak. Did that just sound like orgasm. Haha. Daaymn. .

Thursday, May 31, 2007

catch me if you can

its true!

Back to the writing exercises. I have been busy reading Death Note (a manga series) these past days and it has gotten me so hooked that I haven't had another invisible entry on this blog. I would like to share the story too but I think there has been enough death entries now. Thoughwhat was interesting with the manga ws that there were less action scenes and magic ninjutsu or whatever and more intellectual instances, a sort of battle between smart detectives and killers. Where was I, oh yeah, I was so hooked to this particular chapter that I forgot to take notice of my sorrundings and watch out for roving supervisors. Before I knew it, there was already an "ahem" from my back. Demmet. Another warning from my gorillaish sup. :)

So back to sharing and writing on this notepad. I am just randomly typing anything again that comes to mind, so that I may look very busy with something, while I wait for the sup to go somewhere else. I feel like a prey watching out for predators who are waiting for that chance to catch me off my guard and paralyze me with their bite. I can imagine the feeling of those little dinosaurs on Geographic Channel who while drinking on swamps raise their head once in a while to listen and scan their sorroundings for possible danger. Well all defenseless animals have that kind of sense to danger, say a deer or a prarie dog. There he goes, he has left. And I'll get back to reading.

THe cat is out, the Mouse plays once again.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Calmot

Met magic at our lobby when i went down for a smoke during my lunchbreak. I'm a usually calm person but I tend to rush or hurry up things when I suddenly meet a person I haven't seen for a long time or have unexpectedly met some body I know. I guess it's normal to feel excited but I hate the sudden transition from calm to excitement and the hurry hurry, I lose track of time and I tire myself with the rushing.



Word for the day: hulas

june: e di pasok kami bukas na lasing kami.
marj: hindi, pagpasok niyo bukas, nahulasan na kayo nun.
me: ... hulasan... oooh...


mahulasan: mahimasmasan, mabuhay

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Rain Memories




It has started to rain again. Rainy seasons has always been my favorite time of the year. Its smell is a mix of freshness, of youth, of loneliness, of peace, of calm, of comfort. :) haaay..

I like being rained on... ughmm let's just say i like walking in the rain. But i haven't experienced that for a while now. The last time was in college, when I could go to school with shorts and slippers and a pen. (damn... i miss those days). But now I'm always dressed up formally with pants and leather shoes. There were trees and lots of greens at school too that you'd think manila rain is almost fresh. But now, i only see buildings and cars, jeeps, and lots and lots of busses. I calmly walk with rain before, but now i ESCAPE it. shucks..

I miss those days at gradeschool when after class, my classmates and I would play in the rain and wet each other by stamping on pools of water. Or when I would wait on a nearby leafy branch til one passes so I can pull the branch and then get away so the victim would be wet all over. And then arrive home and get scolded by grandmother who is already expecting me to be wet and is already holding a towel. Then once dried up, sit by the window with my bros to watch the rain drops form bubbles on the ground which slowly flow on the street, endless bubbles, that you imagine them to be bubble men swimming and going with the flow of the water. And the raindrops from the roof that come down so fast that you think they are bullets and you place your fingers in between imagining it to be a transformer escaping those bullets. Come night time, you sleep peacefully with the pitter patter of the rain on the rooftops, cuddle in the comfy sheets and listen to the choir of frogs and turtles. you wake up and it's still raining, so you sleep and lie down some more. haaay.. :) the days..

But now. you get out from the office, feel a little drop on your head, "shet ala ako payong", "pucha, magkakasakit na namana ko." it drops a few more, then u start running. naging hassle na ang ulan. At home naman, you worry if you have forgotten to close the windows, or if somebody has already brought in your drying laundry, and you worry if it would rain too hard that it would flood the third floor. third floor huh. It's opposite at home, the water comes in from the veranda upstairs. Whenever it rains, the doors and windows are closed, you can no longer smell the rain, and then it gets really hot and stuffy that you have to turn on the aircon and you end up paying more for your electricity just to cool down during the rainy seasons. talk about absurd. And there aren't any frogs anymore. Only silent rats and roaches.

We were taught the "rain rain come again song" when we were kids, but i only sing that now. :)

There, it has stopped raining and so will the rain blogging :).


word for the day: im looking for a word about remembering, a state of reminiscing the past, a state of being in the past.. grrr...

Monday, May 21, 2007

Final Destiny 0

I was asking my officemate to pronounce the word "deaths" while I searched on google for sentences that use that word, when i came over this link , List of Unusual Deaths. I have to say it is very interesting. It's Sort of a collection of final destiny scenes with lots of crazy people involved.

The following i find to be most interesting of all. And by interesting, I mean, I browsed for follow up stories or some pictures of the involved characters. Warning: the following portion may contain language or scenarios which may be offensive to some readers.


53 BC: Following his defeat at Carrhae at the hands of the Parthians under Spahbod Surena, Marcus Licinius Crassus was executed by having molten gold poured down his throat. Some accounts claim that his head was then cut off and used as a stage prop in a play performed for the Parthian king Orodes II. (this is a literal take on golden voice)

415: The Greek mathematician and philosopher Hypatia of Alexandria was murdered by a mob by having her skin ripped off with sharp oyster-shells and what remained of her being burned. (why didn't i think of this when i was still a student)


1899: French president Félix Faure died of a stroke while receiving oral sex in his office. (talk about nirvana)

1947: The Collyer brothers, extreme cases of compulsive hoarders were found dead in their home in New York. The younger brother, Langley, died by falling victim to a booby trap he had set up, causing a mountain of objects, books, and newspapers to fall on him crushing him to death. His blind brother, Homer, who had depended on Langley for care, died of starvation some days later. Their bodies were recovered after massive efforts in removing many tons of debris from their home. (i felt sad with this)

1974: Christine Chubbuck, an American television news reporter, committed suicide during a live broadcast on July 15. At 9:38 AM, 8 minutes into her talk show, on WXLT-TV in Sarasota, Florida, she drew out a revolver and shot herself in the head. (damn... KSP)


1981: A 25-year-old Dutch woman studying in Paris, Renée Hartevelt, was killed and eaten by a classmate, Issei Sagawa, when he invited her to dinner for a literary conversation. The killer was declared unfit to stand trial and extradited back to Japan, where he was released from custody within fifteen months. (uggh...)


2001: Bernd-Jürgen Brandes was stabbed repeatedly in the neck and then eaten by Armin Meiwes. Before the killing, both men dined on Brandes' severed penis. Brandes had answered an internet advertisement by Meiwes looking for someone for this purpose. Brandes explicitly stated in his will that he wished to be killed and eaten. This is referred to in the song "Mein Teil" by German NDH band Rammstein.[30] (ughh ulit...)

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Election Deaths v.2

text

me: Kmsta dyan?
friend: Okay nmn. May nama2tay. May nabu2hay.

nuff said.






word for the day: nangimay

me: aray... sh*t... sakit.. na-ano ako... ano nga tawag dun.
kaye: nangimay...
me: oooh...

nangimay: while looking for online definitions of that word, i came over its medical term: paresthesia naks...

according to wikipedia, "Paresthesia or paraesthesia (in British English) is a sensation of tingling, pricking, or numbness of a person's skin with no apparent long-term physical effect, more generally known as the feeling of pins and needles or of a limb being "asleep".

application:
me: ooh... aray.. sakit.. naparesthesia ako...
kaye: ano yun...
me: nangimay.
kaye: oooh...

Friday, May 18, 2007

Cool

Copy paste the whole code below into the address bar and add the letter "j" at the beginning to make the word "javascript". astig ang dating.


avascript:R=0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300; y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI=document.images; DIL=DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i-DIL; i++){DIS=DI[ i ].style; DIS.position='absolute'; DIS.left=Math.sin(R*x1+i*x2+x3)*x4+x5; DIS.top=Math.cos(R*y1+i*y2+y3)*y4+y5}R++}setInterval('A()',5); void(0);


this was forwarded by an officemate. I searched google and found out that it actually has lots of samples... this is one here.

Election Deaths




I have been receiving a lot of texts about Abra being a nest of deaths during election days. I haven't personally seen or heard any of the news regarding the recent killings but the people who've been texting me did seem to be distressed. I don't know why I myself who is an Abreno don't seem to be affected by the happenings at home. The closest emotion that i can say i feel could be worry. Worry for my family and friends at home.

However, wiith the whole province's state, I don't really care. I'm apathetic. It could be because i haven't gone home to the province for quite a long time now or it could also be because I have given up on my province. It has always been like that since I was a kid. Death and elections had always seemed to go together very well. It's not that I see death every time I open our doors during elections but every election days, there had always been news about death in some part of the province. I remember my father saying it is dangerous to go out at night as a stray bullet may just suddenly greet you.

People kill each other for power. The more fear instilled to enemies, the more power you have. Good officials are killed. Those who contradict the present administration gets killed. I have asked my father to run for mayor, but he only said, "I'd rather live". I have thought of becoming some kind of "punisher" too like that villain in spiderman, so I can put justice in my hands and kill corrupt men, robbers, whoever bad men there are who deserve some sort of punshing. Sounds exciting, but that would certainly involve some skills with guns and martial arts, money, and most of all, a lot of guts. After realizing that nothing would really ever solve the porblem, one just subconsciously gives up and just let things be.

And writing that now, apathy does seem to be a very dangerous state do be in. The state of No Concern. Darn. I shouldn't just wait until I see my family's names in the papers before i be concerned of the severity of the situation in my home province. I hate writing. It makes you realize the bad things about yourself. Grrr...

Maiba na lang. I noticed that i am still just spontaneously writing down thoughts. hehe. But atleast I am more aware of my use of words and grammar which is a good thing to get myself acquainted with letters and writings again. :)

word for the day: tampalasan

sundalo: blablabal
prinsipe desu: tampalasan!

ako: hehehe.. tampalasan. what the hell is that... hehehe... it means "walang galang" daw. :)

Thursday, May 17, 2007

test

test

customer calls with a very noticable Filipino accent and asks about how the company's products work. As he is summing up our conversation....

customer: So kelangan ko lang tlaga highspeed provider then it will work.
me: Yes sir.
customer: And if i want the service for my family in the philippines, bibilhan ko sila.
me: Tama po.
customer: And then i'll add a line for them na matransfer sa device na un.
me: Wen sir.

haha... talking to a pinoy customer does bring me back to my roots. "Wen" is ilocano for yes.

Books and Writings

I don't know if this only happens with me but i noticed that when i am reading a novel. I always stop reading at the end of exciting parts. There are many examples but I couldn't think of any right now... Let's see... With Dracula, when Helsing and his companions finally killed Lucy, I stopped reading for two days and then continued again. I want to relish the exciting parts of stories. I don't really go back and read them over and over but I want to retain the feeling of being held in suspense, or being happy, or being sad, made by the stories. And when it finally fades, I go back to read again and continue with the story. I get easily hooked with good stories.

Anyway, i'm through with stream of consciousness for now. If i have to learn how to write, I've got to write properly. The thing with thinking is that it is an activity of the mind and it does not need any expressions or words. You just know what you were thinking and that's it. With writing however, it's expressing the thoughts, and it can get difficult if you don't have the right word for the right thought. If i were jotting down my thoughts right now and not minding about what words I have written or what grammar they were, I would have filled up the entire page. It is possible for some, but right now for me, i'll take it slow. (LSS, take it slow ow ow ow ow) :)

word for the day, bulilyaso. :)

Oh kumusta movie niyo kagabi?Wala, nabulilyaso eh, kaya nagstarbucks na lang kami.

I find the word funny because I don't hear it often. Bu-lil-ya-so. hahaha. Bulilyaso... :) retaso, repaso, bulilyaso... damn.. i m weird. :)

The Red Wedding

This is my favorite part in the "Storm of Swords" by George R.R. Martin.
summary: The Edmure Tully and Roselyn Frey are to wed to seal the alliance between Starks and Freys, but what was supposed to be a grand wedding turned out to be a very well plotted massaccre of the family. Point of view is with Catelyn, the mother of the King Stark.

Dacey Mormont, who seemed to be the only woman left in the hall besides Catelyn, stepped up behind Edwyn Frey, and touched him lightly on the arm as she said something in his ear. Edwyn wrenched himself away from her with unseemly violence.
"No," he said, too loudly. "I'm done with dancing for the nonce."
Dacey paled and turned away. Catelyn got slowly to her feet. What just happened there? Doubt gripped her heart, where an instant before had been only weariness. It is nothing, she tried to tell herself, you are seeing grumkins in the woodpile, you are become an old silly woman sick with grief and fear. But something must have shown on her face. Even Ser Wendel Manderly took note.
"Is something amiss?" he asked, the leg of lamb in his hands.
She did not answer him. Instead she went after Edwyn Frey. The players in the gallery had finally gotten both king and queen down to their name-day suits. With scarcely a moment's respite, they began to play a very different sort of song. No one sang the words, but Catelyn knew "The Rains of Castamere" when she heard it. Edwyn was hurrying toward a door. She hurried faster, driven by the music. Six quick strides and she caught him. And who are you, the proud lord said, that I must bow so low? She grabbed Edwyn by the arm to turn him and went cold all over when she felt the iron rings beneath his silken sleeve. Catelyn slapped him so hard she broke his lip. Olyvar, she thought, and Perwyn, Alesander, all absent. And Roslin wept ...

Edwyn Frey shoved her aside. The music drowned all other sound, echoing off the walls as if the stones themselves were playing. Robb gave Edwyn an angry look and moved to block his way ... and staggered suddenly as a quarrel sprouted from his side, just beneath the shoulder. if he screamed then, the sound was swallowed by the pipes and horns and fiddles. Catelyn saw a second bolt pierce his leg, saw him fall. Up in the gallery, half the musicians had crossbows in their hands instead of drums or lutes. She ran toward her son, until something punched in the small of the back and the hard stone floor came up to slap her.
"Robb!" she screamed.
She saw Smalljon Umber wrestle a table off its trestles. Crossbow bolts thudded into the wood, one two three, as he flung it down on top of his king. Robin Flint was ringed by Freys, their daggers rising and falling. Ser Wendel Manderly rose ponderously to his feet, holding his leg of lamb. A quarrel went in his open mouth and came out the back of his neck. Ser Wendel crashed forward, knocking the table off its trestles and sending cups, flagons, trenchers, platters, turnips, beets, and wine bouncing, spilling, and sliding across the floor.

Catelyn's back was on fire. I have to reach him. The Smalljon bludgeoned Ser Raymund Frey across the face with a leg of mutton. But when he reached for his swordbelt a crossbow bolt drove him to his knees. In a coat of gold or a coat of red, a lion still has claws. She saw Lucas Blackwood cut down by Ser Hosteen Frey. One of the Vances was hamstrung by Black Walder as he was wrestling with Ser Harys Haigh. And mine are long and sharp, my lord, as long and sharp as yours. The crossbows took Donnel Locke, Owen Norrey, and half a dozen more. Young Ser Benfrey had seized Dacey Mormont by the arm, but Catelyn saw her grab up a flagon of wine with her other hand, smash it full in his face, and run for the door. It flew open before she reached it. Ser Ryman Frey pushed into the hall, clad in steel from helm to heel. A dozen Frey men-atarms packed the door behind him. They were armed with heavy longaxes.
"Mercy!" Catelyn cried, but horns and drums and the clash of steel smothered her plea. Ser Ryman buried the head of his axe in Dacey's stomach. By then men were pouring in the other doors as well, mailed men in shaggy fur cloaks with steel in their hands. Northmen! She took them for rescue for half a heartbeat, till one of them struck the Smalljon's head off with two huge blows of his axe. Hope blew out like a candle in a storm. in the midst of slaughter, the Lord of the Crossing sat on his carved oaken throne, watching greedily.
There was a dagger on the floor a few feet away. Perhaps it had skittered there when the Smalljon knocked the table off its trestles, or perhaps it had fallen from the hand of some dying man. Catelyn crawled toward it. Her limbs were leaden, and the taste of blood was in her mouth. I will kill Walder Frey, she told herself. jinglebell was closer to the knife, hiding under a table, but he only cringed away as she snatched up the blade. I Mll kill the old man, I can do that much at least.

Then the tabletop that the Smalljon had flung over Robb shifted , and her son struggled to his knees. He had an arrow in his side, a second in his leg, a third through his chest. Lord Walder raised a hand, and the music stopped, all but one drum. Catelyn heard the crash of distant battle, and closer the wild howling of a wolf. Grey Wind, she remembered too late.
"Heh," Lord Walder cackled at Robb, "the King in the North arises. Seems we killed some of your men, Your Grace. Oh, but I'll make you an apology, that will mend them all again, heh.-
Catelyn grabbed a handful of jinglebell Frey's long grey hair and dragged him out of his hiding place.
"Lord Walder!" she shouted.
"LORD WALDER!" The drum beat slow and sonorous, doom boom doom.
"Enough," said Catelyn. "Enough, I say. You have repaid betrayal with betrayal, let it end." When she pressed her dagger to jinglebell's throat, the memory of Bran's sickroom came back to her, with the feel of steel at her own throat. The drum went boom doom boom doom boom doom.
"Please," she said. "He is my son. My first son, and my last. Let him go. Let him go and I swear we will forget this ... forget all you've done here. I swear it by the old gods and new, we ... we will take no vengeance. . . "
Lord Walder peered at her in mistrust. "Only a fool would believe such blather. D'you take me for a fool, my lady?"

"I take you for a father. Keep me for a hostage, Edmure as well if you haven't killed him. But let Robb go."
"No. " Robb's voice was whisper faint. "Mother, no . . .
"Yes. Robb, get up. Get up and walk out, please, please. Save yourself ... if not for me, for Jeyne."
"Jeyne?" Robb grabbed the edge of the table and forced himself to stand.
"Mother," he said, "Grey Wind..."
"Go to him. Now. Robb, walk out of here."
Lord Walder snorted. "And why would I let him do that?"
She pressed the blade deeper into jinglebell's throat. The lackwit rolled his eyes at her in mute appeal. A foul stench assailed her nose, but she paid it no more mind than she did the sullen ceaseless pounding of that drum, boom doom boom doom boom doom. Ser Ryman and Black Walder were circling round her
back, but Catelyn did not care. They could do as they wished with her; imprison her, rape her, kill her, it made no matter. She had lived too long, and Ned was waiting. It was Robb she feared for.
"On my honor as a Tully," she told Lord Walder, "on my honor as a Stark, I will trade your boy's life for Robb's. A son for a son." Her hand shook so badly she was ringing Jinglebell's head. Boom, the drum sounded, boom doom boom doom. The old man's lips went in and out.
The knife trembled in Catelyn's hand, slippery with sweat.
"A son for a son, heh," he repeated. "But that's a grandson ... and he never was much use."
A man in dark armor and a pale pink cloak spotted with blood stepped up to Robb.
"Jaime Lannister sends his regards." He thrust his longsword through her son's heart, and twisted.
Robb had broken his word, but Catelyn kept hers. She tugged hard on Aegon's hair and sawed at his neck until the blade grated on bone. Blood ran hot over her fingers. His little bells were ringing, ringing, ringing, and the drum went boom doom boom.
Finally someone took the knife away from her. The tears burned like vinegar as they ran down her cheeks. Ten flerce ravens were raking her face with sharp talons and tearing off strips of flesh, leaving deep furrows that ran red with blood. She could taste it on her lips.
It hurts so much, she thought. Our children, Ned, all our sweet babes. Rickon, Bran, Arya, Sansa, Robb ... Robb ... please, Ned, please, make it stop, make it stop hurting ... The white tears and the red ones ran together until her face was torn and tattered, the face that Ned had loved. Catelyn Stark raised her hands and watched the blood run down her long fingers, over her wrists, beneath the sleeves of her gown. Slow red worms crawled along her arms and under her clothes. It tickles. That made her laugh until she screamed. "Mad," someone said, "she's lost her wits," and someone else said, "Make an end," and a hand grabbed her scalp just as she'd done with Jinglebell, and she thought, No, don't, don't cut my hair, Ned loves my hair. Then the steel was at her throat, and its bite was red and cold.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Untitled

Memories etched in the faded jeans of youth
like flattened petals long forgotten
between grayed ink and brown pages of paper
comes now like shivers to my soul
when my grown up eyesdig in to the depths of innonce.
Those dreams that used to flood the mind
when awe was common, and things were of interest
now abates like a stream crawling away in vain
from the plenty gush of the spring of vision and hope.

Ordinary becomes a theme, boredom replaces curiosity.
The new becomes no less than the usual.
Poetry, no less than words.
words no less than exclamations of
a man who has lost the passion to live.

Experience fashions each crumb of skill.
Like fresh wet earth molded into jars
hardened to be artistic vessels of life,
innocence increases its strides
mastery of romance is established
but pride stirs the calm, guilt disregarded.
And the once fresh heart turns to cold stone.

The echoes of light keep haunting the heart
begging to come back to its home
like water that attempts to sip through
the hardness of stone, it keeps pouring
to cleanse the shadows and the muck of pride.
forever will it be denied.

And then the emptiness.
The fossils of dreams and memories
have made a gaping hole out of the hard heart.
The memory of light reflect the the joy that had been
Before darkness took over and pleasures became unfounded.
It makes the stone crack just a little,
little enough for you to notice.
little enough for you to help me open up.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

stream of thoughts

Since gs, i have always associated math with early mornings. And rightly so, since my math classes had always been either the first or the second class in a day. Up until college. That could be why I couldn't get myself interested with any numbers at night or at the afternoon. Why did i write that? I just needed to say something to start the writing mood. It gets really boring just sitting here at work facing the computer, having finished reading scans of marvel comics and scanslations of naruto and one piece. Hmmm... And my team mates are seated far from me, had to sit myself away from them since the only remaining workstation there is one that is directly behind the camera. And for such a shift as this, i should not be seated at that place and be caught by darn big brothers in the office for browsing non business sites.
Anyway, math. Have always loved math before. But after my last encounter with math at second year college. My skills have already rusted. I still practice once in a while but its never the same again. It takes a long time to do simple arithmetic with two digit numbers. Kahit na gaano mo pa kalike ang math, di mo naman inaalagaan, ala din. Parang relationship, kahit na like mo pa ang girl, di naman kayo nagmemeet plagi, ala din. Siguro, hindi ko tlaga like ang math, coz if i do, id be "dating it". But i do like math. natutuwa ako sa patterns and sa numbers and sa logic. haha... seriously, im equating mathematics with love.
ganito talaga ako magisip. Parang dalawang taong naguusap, nagdidisagree, nagdidisagree. nag comment. Walang clear or final na salita s akin, palaging may back up question. kung ala na ako maisip na pangontra, game, nagiging one liner na yan. tapos gagamitin mo sa iba, iba ang dating. hahaha.
I don't know how people think pero siguro ganun din.. siguro.
Im still bored though and sleepy. Im gonna read artemis fowl... finished na download ng pirated copy. hehehe... shhhhh.

Monday, May 07, 2007

darn.. my writing does suck. hahaha. but who cares. :)
at least im sharing.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

animals in the office


alright just to continue. I was refering to positive feeling that don't inspire me to write. first conern is, have there been positive feelings. and what were they?... time for.. the thinking chair..
I couldn't write properly... the lion... he's bald now, is prowling around the aisle. dhug dhug dhug dug. beat beat my heart. haha. tangena... good thing im not typing directly on blogspot. im using note pad.
anyway, positive thoughts...hmm...
last time i wrote this, the first positive thought that i was going to mention was being promoted to a higher level at the office. from techsupport1 to techsupport 2. that means plus three thousand and plus a little more respect from previous agents. but haha, what is more heart fattening here, is that i actually didn't strive to get promoted. It just happened. I met the team goals, and that's it. Actually, i was just being careful about my grades as my team then had a fine for low service scores or customer satisfaction scores or handling time. Hell, i won't pay just because of my grades, and so that's what did it. another thing though is that I couldn't have been promoted if my last customers for that quarter didn't send new surveys. I think one week before the fourth quarter ended, I was to be transferred to another team because my direct sup then was to be handling the level 2 teams, and he got the team mates with high grades. Come second week, with the new high surveys i received, I got the marks. The week after that, i also joined the level2 teams. Now were where we...
So there.. promotion is indeed a positive feeling, but it didn't make me write. The question is why....
But before that, share ko lang, the promotion to techs upport 2 might be retracted afer all, since some agents (some jealous ones, darn crabs) complained that i had failed with the grades for one month. I only managed to get the passing for the quarter average. My sup, the teary sup from previous log, recommended me for promo since he didn't know about that policy of no fails for a month. He asked for documents supporting that policy, but the management team couldn't provide one. The positive feeling is slowly going negative now. We'll know the results by monday. The good thing with this is that my quarter 1 grades were actually excellent. So if they retract my quarter 4 promotion, they may still promote me for quarter 1 grades. but then i would have been promoted twice for both quarter4 and quarter1.
It's also a good thing though. There are too many crabs in the office, and i can't imagine working with crabs let alone bald lions and sups who i don't really bond with. It's difficult in the proffesional world. Atleast it is for me.
There's another issue that may be questioned for my q1 scores. FOr threee months, i've only had one survey. that means one customer who had time enough to answer the survey and grade me with excellent scores. i got flying scores for only one survey. That may be questioned, and one thing that they may be saying now is that I didn't send surveys to the other customers. Hell, bahala na, I am getting tired of being slaves of western companies anyway let alone getting shouted at by westerners. I couldn't even enjoy watching the westerner tv series anymore, because i keep thinking of them as irrate customers. ARrrghh... haaay.
Anyway, due to the stream of consciousness, i haven't answered the main question of this log. Why didn't I write before when I had positive feelings? Is it because negative feelings are stronger than positive ones. But all literature always refer to positives defeating negatives. to be continued...








Wednesday, May 02, 2007

the plus side

the previous log is about negative emotions. fear... disapointment.. guilt... and they make me ask myself if have i ever felt good this past year. and why haven't they been reason enough to make me write.
Maybe negative emotions always feels stronger than positive ones. That is actually the belief of the captain soldier enemy boss in Street fighter. He cultivated the negative energies and has that as his power source. It's the same with Ryu's mentor's brother. But then all stories always refer to light defeating the dark, happiness over sadness, plus over minus. Nawawala ang focus ng topic.. i was just wondering why the positive extreme feelings are not strong enough to make me write. pero meron. to be continued. chika times daw muna.

writing modes


i only write when i experience deep or strong emotions. and for the past year, i
have only experienced two strong emotions. By strong, im refering to feelings that
automatically twists your face, those that give you instant bodily reactions. like
tears or bright eyes, deep frowns, or on my case, a writing capacity or mood. And i
also noticed that those two strong emotions come from work and has to do with
disappointment. But not on my side. Nuh uh. On supervisors sides. Phew... Okay
i'll begin.

The latest one was when my direct supervisor asked me to be OiC for the day
as he will be absent. The shift is 11 am to 8 pm, called lean shift as agents
usually get only 10 calls or even lesss. Ayun, (darn.. its so hard to express thing
s in writing for a general audience...). Im a level 2 agent. level1 agents transfer
calls to us if they couldn't resolve it. So imagine how many calls, a level 2 agent
would get in a lean shift. 3 or 4 a day. Sarap, one can get to search and read
anything online. Pero that's also a bad thing for the scores coz with lesser
calls, you get less chance of hitting targets or team goals. (darn... this is a
call center orientation). Let me just make it short, I didn't do what the supervisor told me to do because
the team all wanted avail time (that is no calls, just browse browse, surf surf, games games.) outcome, next day, sup talks to me and expresses disappointment.

BUt it doesn't stop there. What is more heartdowning (is there such a word.. hehe) is that the sup was actually hurt by our team remarks when he called us yesterday.
sup: oh guys, kumusta kayo jan?
team: eto masaya, ala ka eh.
team: oo nga, wag ka na bumalik tl ha?
team: lalabas kami after shift, kasi wala ka!

just reading the above remarks do sound like they are offensive, and that is how the sup understood it, but that isn't really how the team meant it. There were more haha's or joke lang, or miss you sup. but the bottom line is, Supervisor felt bad to the extent that he'd been thinking of those remarks on his way back to manila. added to that, his supervisor coldly scolded him for our team's low grades. pheww... it was really tough..
he told me that when he talked to me about how he felt for the team and about his disappointments. Darn.. it was like a talk with a formator back when i was at the seminary, but this one was actually different for one thing.. the supervisor cried. darn... hahaha.. darn.. :) im not laughing. i am laughing at the difference but not at the Tl, i was actually saddened and i felt guilty and i pitied him.

His lines were like this...
gusto niyo ba na ibang pamamaraan ko ng pagtrato sa inyo, gusto niyong gawin ko din ung pagpapagalit ng sup ko sa akin dahil sa mababang grades niyo? gusto kong masaya ang team natin, pero pag di na umeepekto, okay lang sa akin na ibahin.
gusto ko na nga minsan magresign na lang kasi feeling ko di ako epektib na TL.
(all theses were said with a tear and some sobs) siyempre guilty naman ako...

Sorry TL, won't happen again... blablabal.. hindi naman talga ganun ung ibig namin sabihin eh... balablabala...
i made him feel a little better pero im sure he's stil mad at me... darn....

Ayun, that was the latest strong emotion... pity mingled with guilt and sadness. The other instance that is also office related is also with a supervisor. but this is a very different supervisor from my present team leader. This one is a fierce man. AGents fear him for being very strict, non sentimental, grumpy, and has an annoyingly loud voice. He saw me accessing friendster online from afar. Sinigaw ba naman...
"What is that pictures of naked ladies that you are looking at!?! Send me that link right now!"
Imagine masabihan nun at Christmas eve with many agents quietly doing their work. hahahah.. damn... what feeling was that then... fear. yeah fear and shame.

One reason is that, accessing non office related websites is cause for disciplinary action and secondly i was using mozilla, which was secretly installed on our servers by some hacker friend. two faults caught by that darn long haired sup. I always do browsing of nonrelated sites but i was caught this time because two officemates wanted to see more of the pics that i was browsing. and tanga ko naman, minaximize ko. ayun, kitang kita na.

Luckily, that sup moved to Cebu and i've never seen him again. :)

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

ice and fire

sige magtagalog na lang muna ulit ako. pati nga sa tagalog nabubulol na ako. not that hindi ako nabubulol nun. ayan. magulo ang aking pag-iisip. all these previous months of a maximum of 2 hours avail in the call center has made me read a lot, well read a series that is, it easy reading just one series compared to reading several books with several themes. the title of this one is song of ice and fire by george martin. a good friend recommended it to me, and dang, it got me hooked. i've downloaded some pirated copies online so i can read them while im doing nothing, but i've also both copies so i can continue reading them at home. kitang kita naman nahook ako...
i've almost forgotten the pleasure tthat is in books because i haven't been reading nor writing anything during my first three months at work. i have only read several online comics whichare again pirated (darn, im a sinner) and played a lot of flash games online that i think my eyes looked a lot worse. well there we ahve it. im reading again, and im also writing again. in vain. darn.. i should still be reading the fourth book but darn yahoo doesn't allow me to attach the downloaded pdf file. i'll try it with my google account after the shift. and the fourth book pala is hard covered and costs 1,500. kumusta naman un. di pa ako gumagasto ganun kamahal for abook. i'll just patiently read them on the computer. ayan hanggang ngayon kuripot pa rin ako. sige save save ulit.