Thursday, May 31, 2007

catch me if you can

its true!

Back to the writing exercises. I have been busy reading Death Note (a manga series) these past days and it has gotten me so hooked that I haven't had another invisible entry on this blog. I would like to share the story too but I think there has been enough death entries now. Thoughwhat was interesting with the manga ws that there were less action scenes and magic ninjutsu or whatever and more intellectual instances, a sort of battle between smart detectives and killers. Where was I, oh yeah, I was so hooked to this particular chapter that I forgot to take notice of my sorrundings and watch out for roving supervisors. Before I knew it, there was already an "ahem" from my back. Demmet. Another warning from my gorillaish sup. :)

So back to sharing and writing on this notepad. I am just randomly typing anything again that comes to mind, so that I may look very busy with something, while I wait for the sup to go somewhere else. I feel like a prey watching out for predators who are waiting for that chance to catch me off my guard and paralyze me with their bite. I can imagine the feeling of those little dinosaurs on Geographic Channel who while drinking on swamps raise their head once in a while to listen and scan their sorroundings for possible danger. Well all defenseless animals have that kind of sense to danger, say a deer or a prarie dog. There he goes, he has left. And I'll get back to reading.

THe cat is out, the Mouse plays once again.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Calmot

Met magic at our lobby when i went down for a smoke during my lunchbreak. I'm a usually calm person but I tend to rush or hurry up things when I suddenly meet a person I haven't seen for a long time or have unexpectedly met some body I know. I guess it's normal to feel excited but I hate the sudden transition from calm to excitement and the hurry hurry, I lose track of time and I tire myself with the rushing.



Word for the day: hulas

june: e di pasok kami bukas na lasing kami.
marj: hindi, pagpasok niyo bukas, nahulasan na kayo nun.
me: ... hulasan... oooh...


mahulasan: mahimasmasan, mabuhay

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Rain Memories




It has started to rain again. Rainy seasons has always been my favorite time of the year. Its smell is a mix of freshness, of youth, of loneliness, of peace, of calm, of comfort. :) haaay..

I like being rained on... ughmm let's just say i like walking in the rain. But i haven't experienced that for a while now. The last time was in college, when I could go to school with shorts and slippers and a pen. (damn... i miss those days). But now I'm always dressed up formally with pants and leather shoes. There were trees and lots of greens at school too that you'd think manila rain is almost fresh. But now, i only see buildings and cars, jeeps, and lots and lots of busses. I calmly walk with rain before, but now i ESCAPE it. shucks..

I miss those days at gradeschool when after class, my classmates and I would play in the rain and wet each other by stamping on pools of water. Or when I would wait on a nearby leafy branch til one passes so I can pull the branch and then get away so the victim would be wet all over. And then arrive home and get scolded by grandmother who is already expecting me to be wet and is already holding a towel. Then once dried up, sit by the window with my bros to watch the rain drops form bubbles on the ground which slowly flow on the street, endless bubbles, that you imagine them to be bubble men swimming and going with the flow of the water. And the raindrops from the roof that come down so fast that you think they are bullets and you place your fingers in between imagining it to be a transformer escaping those bullets. Come night time, you sleep peacefully with the pitter patter of the rain on the rooftops, cuddle in the comfy sheets and listen to the choir of frogs and turtles. you wake up and it's still raining, so you sleep and lie down some more. haaay.. :) the days..

But now. you get out from the office, feel a little drop on your head, "shet ala ako payong", "pucha, magkakasakit na namana ko." it drops a few more, then u start running. naging hassle na ang ulan. At home naman, you worry if you have forgotten to close the windows, or if somebody has already brought in your drying laundry, and you worry if it would rain too hard that it would flood the third floor. third floor huh. It's opposite at home, the water comes in from the veranda upstairs. Whenever it rains, the doors and windows are closed, you can no longer smell the rain, and then it gets really hot and stuffy that you have to turn on the aircon and you end up paying more for your electricity just to cool down during the rainy seasons. talk about absurd. And there aren't any frogs anymore. Only silent rats and roaches.

We were taught the "rain rain come again song" when we were kids, but i only sing that now. :)

There, it has stopped raining and so will the rain blogging :).


word for the day: im looking for a word about remembering, a state of reminiscing the past, a state of being in the past.. grrr...

Monday, May 21, 2007

Final Destiny 0

I was asking my officemate to pronounce the word "deaths" while I searched on google for sentences that use that word, when i came over this link , List of Unusual Deaths. I have to say it is very interesting. It's Sort of a collection of final destiny scenes with lots of crazy people involved.

The following i find to be most interesting of all. And by interesting, I mean, I browsed for follow up stories or some pictures of the involved characters. Warning: the following portion may contain language or scenarios which may be offensive to some readers.


53 BC: Following his defeat at Carrhae at the hands of the Parthians under Spahbod Surena, Marcus Licinius Crassus was executed by having molten gold poured down his throat. Some accounts claim that his head was then cut off and used as a stage prop in a play performed for the Parthian king Orodes II. (this is a literal take on golden voice)

415: The Greek mathematician and philosopher Hypatia of Alexandria was murdered by a mob by having her skin ripped off with sharp oyster-shells and what remained of her being burned. (why didn't i think of this when i was still a student)


1899: French president Félix Faure died of a stroke while receiving oral sex in his office. (talk about nirvana)

1947: The Collyer brothers, extreme cases of compulsive hoarders were found dead in their home in New York. The younger brother, Langley, died by falling victim to a booby trap he had set up, causing a mountain of objects, books, and newspapers to fall on him crushing him to death. His blind brother, Homer, who had depended on Langley for care, died of starvation some days later. Their bodies were recovered after massive efforts in removing many tons of debris from their home. (i felt sad with this)

1974: Christine Chubbuck, an American television news reporter, committed suicide during a live broadcast on July 15. At 9:38 AM, 8 minutes into her talk show, on WXLT-TV in Sarasota, Florida, she drew out a revolver and shot herself in the head. (damn... KSP)


1981: A 25-year-old Dutch woman studying in Paris, Renée Hartevelt, was killed and eaten by a classmate, Issei Sagawa, when he invited her to dinner for a literary conversation. The killer was declared unfit to stand trial and extradited back to Japan, where he was released from custody within fifteen months. (uggh...)


2001: Bernd-Jürgen Brandes was stabbed repeatedly in the neck and then eaten by Armin Meiwes. Before the killing, both men dined on Brandes' severed penis. Brandes had answered an internet advertisement by Meiwes looking for someone for this purpose. Brandes explicitly stated in his will that he wished to be killed and eaten. This is referred to in the song "Mein Teil" by German NDH band Rammstein.[30] (ughh ulit...)

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Election Deaths v.2

text

me: Kmsta dyan?
friend: Okay nmn. May nama2tay. May nabu2hay.

nuff said.






word for the day: nangimay

me: aray... sh*t... sakit.. na-ano ako... ano nga tawag dun.
kaye: nangimay...
me: oooh...

nangimay: while looking for online definitions of that word, i came over its medical term: paresthesia naks...

according to wikipedia, "Paresthesia or paraesthesia (in British English) is a sensation of tingling, pricking, or numbness of a person's skin with no apparent long-term physical effect, more generally known as the feeling of pins and needles or of a limb being "asleep".

application:
me: ooh... aray.. sakit.. naparesthesia ako...
kaye: ano yun...
me: nangimay.
kaye: oooh...

Friday, May 18, 2007

Cool

Copy paste the whole code below into the address bar and add the letter "j" at the beginning to make the word "javascript". astig ang dating.


avascript:R=0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300; y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI=document.images; DIL=DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i-DIL; i++){DIS=DI[ i ].style; DIS.position='absolute'; DIS.left=Math.sin(R*x1+i*x2+x3)*x4+x5; DIS.top=Math.cos(R*y1+i*y2+y3)*y4+y5}R++}setInterval('A()',5); void(0);


this was forwarded by an officemate. I searched google and found out that it actually has lots of samples... this is one here.

Election Deaths




I have been receiving a lot of texts about Abra being a nest of deaths during election days. I haven't personally seen or heard any of the news regarding the recent killings but the people who've been texting me did seem to be distressed. I don't know why I myself who is an Abreno don't seem to be affected by the happenings at home. The closest emotion that i can say i feel could be worry. Worry for my family and friends at home.

However, wiith the whole province's state, I don't really care. I'm apathetic. It could be because i haven't gone home to the province for quite a long time now or it could also be because I have given up on my province. It has always been like that since I was a kid. Death and elections had always seemed to go together very well. It's not that I see death every time I open our doors during elections but every election days, there had always been news about death in some part of the province. I remember my father saying it is dangerous to go out at night as a stray bullet may just suddenly greet you.

People kill each other for power. The more fear instilled to enemies, the more power you have. Good officials are killed. Those who contradict the present administration gets killed. I have asked my father to run for mayor, but he only said, "I'd rather live". I have thought of becoming some kind of "punisher" too like that villain in spiderman, so I can put justice in my hands and kill corrupt men, robbers, whoever bad men there are who deserve some sort of punshing. Sounds exciting, but that would certainly involve some skills with guns and martial arts, money, and most of all, a lot of guts. After realizing that nothing would really ever solve the porblem, one just subconsciously gives up and just let things be.

And writing that now, apathy does seem to be a very dangerous state do be in. The state of No Concern. Darn. I shouldn't just wait until I see my family's names in the papers before i be concerned of the severity of the situation in my home province. I hate writing. It makes you realize the bad things about yourself. Grrr...

Maiba na lang. I noticed that i am still just spontaneously writing down thoughts. hehe. But atleast I am more aware of my use of words and grammar which is a good thing to get myself acquainted with letters and writings again. :)

word for the day: tampalasan

sundalo: blablabal
prinsipe desu: tampalasan!

ako: hehehe.. tampalasan. what the hell is that... hehehe... it means "walang galang" daw. :)

Thursday, May 17, 2007

test

test

customer calls with a very noticable Filipino accent and asks about how the company's products work. As he is summing up our conversation....

customer: So kelangan ko lang tlaga highspeed provider then it will work.
me: Yes sir.
customer: And if i want the service for my family in the philippines, bibilhan ko sila.
me: Tama po.
customer: And then i'll add a line for them na matransfer sa device na un.
me: Wen sir.

haha... talking to a pinoy customer does bring me back to my roots. "Wen" is ilocano for yes.

Books and Writings

I don't know if this only happens with me but i noticed that when i am reading a novel. I always stop reading at the end of exciting parts. There are many examples but I couldn't think of any right now... Let's see... With Dracula, when Helsing and his companions finally killed Lucy, I stopped reading for two days and then continued again. I want to relish the exciting parts of stories. I don't really go back and read them over and over but I want to retain the feeling of being held in suspense, or being happy, or being sad, made by the stories. And when it finally fades, I go back to read again and continue with the story. I get easily hooked with good stories.

Anyway, i'm through with stream of consciousness for now. If i have to learn how to write, I've got to write properly. The thing with thinking is that it is an activity of the mind and it does not need any expressions or words. You just know what you were thinking and that's it. With writing however, it's expressing the thoughts, and it can get difficult if you don't have the right word for the right thought. If i were jotting down my thoughts right now and not minding about what words I have written or what grammar they were, I would have filled up the entire page. It is possible for some, but right now for me, i'll take it slow. (LSS, take it slow ow ow ow ow) :)

word for the day, bulilyaso. :)

Oh kumusta movie niyo kagabi?Wala, nabulilyaso eh, kaya nagstarbucks na lang kami.

I find the word funny because I don't hear it often. Bu-lil-ya-so. hahaha. Bulilyaso... :) retaso, repaso, bulilyaso... damn.. i m weird. :)

The Red Wedding

This is my favorite part in the "Storm of Swords" by George R.R. Martin.
summary: The Edmure Tully and Roselyn Frey are to wed to seal the alliance between Starks and Freys, but what was supposed to be a grand wedding turned out to be a very well plotted massaccre of the family. Point of view is with Catelyn, the mother of the King Stark.

Dacey Mormont, who seemed to be the only woman left in the hall besides Catelyn, stepped up behind Edwyn Frey, and touched him lightly on the arm as she said something in his ear. Edwyn wrenched himself away from her with unseemly violence.
"No," he said, too loudly. "I'm done with dancing for the nonce."
Dacey paled and turned away. Catelyn got slowly to her feet. What just happened there? Doubt gripped her heart, where an instant before had been only weariness. It is nothing, she tried to tell herself, you are seeing grumkins in the woodpile, you are become an old silly woman sick with grief and fear. But something must have shown on her face. Even Ser Wendel Manderly took note.
"Is something amiss?" he asked, the leg of lamb in his hands.
She did not answer him. Instead she went after Edwyn Frey. The players in the gallery had finally gotten both king and queen down to their name-day suits. With scarcely a moment's respite, they began to play a very different sort of song. No one sang the words, but Catelyn knew "The Rains of Castamere" when she heard it. Edwyn was hurrying toward a door. She hurried faster, driven by the music. Six quick strides and she caught him. And who are you, the proud lord said, that I must bow so low? She grabbed Edwyn by the arm to turn him and went cold all over when she felt the iron rings beneath his silken sleeve. Catelyn slapped him so hard she broke his lip. Olyvar, she thought, and Perwyn, Alesander, all absent. And Roslin wept ...

Edwyn Frey shoved her aside. The music drowned all other sound, echoing off the walls as if the stones themselves were playing. Robb gave Edwyn an angry look and moved to block his way ... and staggered suddenly as a quarrel sprouted from his side, just beneath the shoulder. if he screamed then, the sound was swallowed by the pipes and horns and fiddles. Catelyn saw a second bolt pierce his leg, saw him fall. Up in the gallery, half the musicians had crossbows in their hands instead of drums or lutes. She ran toward her son, until something punched in the small of the back and the hard stone floor came up to slap her.
"Robb!" she screamed.
She saw Smalljon Umber wrestle a table off its trestles. Crossbow bolts thudded into the wood, one two three, as he flung it down on top of his king. Robin Flint was ringed by Freys, their daggers rising and falling. Ser Wendel Manderly rose ponderously to his feet, holding his leg of lamb. A quarrel went in his open mouth and came out the back of his neck. Ser Wendel crashed forward, knocking the table off its trestles and sending cups, flagons, trenchers, platters, turnips, beets, and wine bouncing, spilling, and sliding across the floor.

Catelyn's back was on fire. I have to reach him. The Smalljon bludgeoned Ser Raymund Frey across the face with a leg of mutton. But when he reached for his swordbelt a crossbow bolt drove him to his knees. In a coat of gold or a coat of red, a lion still has claws. She saw Lucas Blackwood cut down by Ser Hosteen Frey. One of the Vances was hamstrung by Black Walder as he was wrestling with Ser Harys Haigh. And mine are long and sharp, my lord, as long and sharp as yours. The crossbows took Donnel Locke, Owen Norrey, and half a dozen more. Young Ser Benfrey had seized Dacey Mormont by the arm, but Catelyn saw her grab up a flagon of wine with her other hand, smash it full in his face, and run for the door. It flew open before she reached it. Ser Ryman Frey pushed into the hall, clad in steel from helm to heel. A dozen Frey men-atarms packed the door behind him. They were armed with heavy longaxes.
"Mercy!" Catelyn cried, but horns and drums and the clash of steel smothered her plea. Ser Ryman buried the head of his axe in Dacey's stomach. By then men were pouring in the other doors as well, mailed men in shaggy fur cloaks with steel in their hands. Northmen! She took them for rescue for half a heartbeat, till one of them struck the Smalljon's head off with two huge blows of his axe. Hope blew out like a candle in a storm. in the midst of slaughter, the Lord of the Crossing sat on his carved oaken throne, watching greedily.
There was a dagger on the floor a few feet away. Perhaps it had skittered there when the Smalljon knocked the table off its trestles, or perhaps it had fallen from the hand of some dying man. Catelyn crawled toward it. Her limbs were leaden, and the taste of blood was in her mouth. I will kill Walder Frey, she told herself. jinglebell was closer to the knife, hiding under a table, but he only cringed away as she snatched up the blade. I Mll kill the old man, I can do that much at least.

Then the tabletop that the Smalljon had flung over Robb shifted , and her son struggled to his knees. He had an arrow in his side, a second in his leg, a third through his chest. Lord Walder raised a hand, and the music stopped, all but one drum. Catelyn heard the crash of distant battle, and closer the wild howling of a wolf. Grey Wind, she remembered too late.
"Heh," Lord Walder cackled at Robb, "the King in the North arises. Seems we killed some of your men, Your Grace. Oh, but I'll make you an apology, that will mend them all again, heh.-
Catelyn grabbed a handful of jinglebell Frey's long grey hair and dragged him out of his hiding place.
"Lord Walder!" she shouted.
"LORD WALDER!" The drum beat slow and sonorous, doom boom doom.
"Enough," said Catelyn. "Enough, I say. You have repaid betrayal with betrayal, let it end." When she pressed her dagger to jinglebell's throat, the memory of Bran's sickroom came back to her, with the feel of steel at her own throat. The drum went boom doom boom doom boom doom.
"Please," she said. "He is my son. My first son, and my last. Let him go. Let him go and I swear we will forget this ... forget all you've done here. I swear it by the old gods and new, we ... we will take no vengeance. . . "
Lord Walder peered at her in mistrust. "Only a fool would believe such blather. D'you take me for a fool, my lady?"

"I take you for a father. Keep me for a hostage, Edmure as well if you haven't killed him. But let Robb go."
"No. " Robb's voice was whisper faint. "Mother, no . . .
"Yes. Robb, get up. Get up and walk out, please, please. Save yourself ... if not for me, for Jeyne."
"Jeyne?" Robb grabbed the edge of the table and forced himself to stand.
"Mother," he said, "Grey Wind..."
"Go to him. Now. Robb, walk out of here."
Lord Walder snorted. "And why would I let him do that?"
She pressed the blade deeper into jinglebell's throat. The lackwit rolled his eyes at her in mute appeal. A foul stench assailed her nose, but she paid it no more mind than she did the sullen ceaseless pounding of that drum, boom doom boom doom boom doom. Ser Ryman and Black Walder were circling round her
back, but Catelyn did not care. They could do as they wished with her; imprison her, rape her, kill her, it made no matter. She had lived too long, and Ned was waiting. It was Robb she feared for.
"On my honor as a Tully," she told Lord Walder, "on my honor as a Stark, I will trade your boy's life for Robb's. A son for a son." Her hand shook so badly she was ringing Jinglebell's head. Boom, the drum sounded, boom doom boom doom. The old man's lips went in and out.
The knife trembled in Catelyn's hand, slippery with sweat.
"A son for a son, heh," he repeated. "But that's a grandson ... and he never was much use."
A man in dark armor and a pale pink cloak spotted with blood stepped up to Robb.
"Jaime Lannister sends his regards." He thrust his longsword through her son's heart, and twisted.
Robb had broken his word, but Catelyn kept hers. She tugged hard on Aegon's hair and sawed at his neck until the blade grated on bone. Blood ran hot over her fingers. His little bells were ringing, ringing, ringing, and the drum went boom doom boom.
Finally someone took the knife away from her. The tears burned like vinegar as they ran down her cheeks. Ten flerce ravens were raking her face with sharp talons and tearing off strips of flesh, leaving deep furrows that ran red with blood. She could taste it on her lips.
It hurts so much, she thought. Our children, Ned, all our sweet babes. Rickon, Bran, Arya, Sansa, Robb ... Robb ... please, Ned, please, make it stop, make it stop hurting ... The white tears and the red ones ran together until her face was torn and tattered, the face that Ned had loved. Catelyn Stark raised her hands and watched the blood run down her long fingers, over her wrists, beneath the sleeves of her gown. Slow red worms crawled along her arms and under her clothes. It tickles. That made her laugh until she screamed. "Mad," someone said, "she's lost her wits," and someone else said, "Make an end," and a hand grabbed her scalp just as she'd done with Jinglebell, and she thought, No, don't, don't cut my hair, Ned loves my hair. Then the steel was at her throat, and its bite was red and cold.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Untitled

Memories etched in the faded jeans of youth
like flattened petals long forgotten
between grayed ink and brown pages of paper
comes now like shivers to my soul
when my grown up eyesdig in to the depths of innonce.
Those dreams that used to flood the mind
when awe was common, and things were of interest
now abates like a stream crawling away in vain
from the plenty gush of the spring of vision and hope.

Ordinary becomes a theme, boredom replaces curiosity.
The new becomes no less than the usual.
Poetry, no less than words.
words no less than exclamations of
a man who has lost the passion to live.

Experience fashions each crumb of skill.
Like fresh wet earth molded into jars
hardened to be artistic vessels of life,
innocence increases its strides
mastery of romance is established
but pride stirs the calm, guilt disregarded.
And the once fresh heart turns to cold stone.

The echoes of light keep haunting the heart
begging to come back to its home
like water that attempts to sip through
the hardness of stone, it keeps pouring
to cleanse the shadows and the muck of pride.
forever will it be denied.

And then the emptiness.
The fossils of dreams and memories
have made a gaping hole out of the hard heart.
The memory of light reflect the the joy that had been
Before darkness took over and pleasures became unfounded.
It makes the stone crack just a little,
little enough for you to notice.
little enough for you to help me open up.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

stream of thoughts

Since gs, i have always associated math with early mornings. And rightly so, since my math classes had always been either the first or the second class in a day. Up until college. That could be why I couldn't get myself interested with any numbers at night or at the afternoon. Why did i write that? I just needed to say something to start the writing mood. It gets really boring just sitting here at work facing the computer, having finished reading scans of marvel comics and scanslations of naruto and one piece. Hmmm... And my team mates are seated far from me, had to sit myself away from them since the only remaining workstation there is one that is directly behind the camera. And for such a shift as this, i should not be seated at that place and be caught by darn big brothers in the office for browsing non business sites.
Anyway, math. Have always loved math before. But after my last encounter with math at second year college. My skills have already rusted. I still practice once in a while but its never the same again. It takes a long time to do simple arithmetic with two digit numbers. Kahit na gaano mo pa kalike ang math, di mo naman inaalagaan, ala din. Parang relationship, kahit na like mo pa ang girl, di naman kayo nagmemeet plagi, ala din. Siguro, hindi ko tlaga like ang math, coz if i do, id be "dating it". But i do like math. natutuwa ako sa patterns and sa numbers and sa logic. haha... seriously, im equating mathematics with love.
ganito talaga ako magisip. Parang dalawang taong naguusap, nagdidisagree, nagdidisagree. nag comment. Walang clear or final na salita s akin, palaging may back up question. kung ala na ako maisip na pangontra, game, nagiging one liner na yan. tapos gagamitin mo sa iba, iba ang dating. hahaha.
I don't know how people think pero siguro ganun din.. siguro.
Im still bored though and sleepy. Im gonna read artemis fowl... finished na download ng pirated copy. hehehe... shhhhh.

Monday, May 07, 2007

darn.. my writing does suck. hahaha. but who cares. :)
at least im sharing.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

animals in the office


alright just to continue. I was refering to positive feeling that don't inspire me to write. first conern is, have there been positive feelings. and what were they?... time for.. the thinking chair..
I couldn't write properly... the lion... he's bald now, is prowling around the aisle. dhug dhug dhug dug. beat beat my heart. haha. tangena... good thing im not typing directly on blogspot. im using note pad.
anyway, positive thoughts...hmm...
last time i wrote this, the first positive thought that i was going to mention was being promoted to a higher level at the office. from techsupport1 to techsupport 2. that means plus three thousand and plus a little more respect from previous agents. but haha, what is more heart fattening here, is that i actually didn't strive to get promoted. It just happened. I met the team goals, and that's it. Actually, i was just being careful about my grades as my team then had a fine for low service scores or customer satisfaction scores or handling time. Hell, i won't pay just because of my grades, and so that's what did it. another thing though is that I couldn't have been promoted if my last customers for that quarter didn't send new surveys. I think one week before the fourth quarter ended, I was to be transferred to another team because my direct sup then was to be handling the level 2 teams, and he got the team mates with high grades. Come second week, with the new high surveys i received, I got the marks. The week after that, i also joined the level2 teams. Now were where we...
So there.. promotion is indeed a positive feeling, but it didn't make me write. The question is why....
But before that, share ko lang, the promotion to techs upport 2 might be retracted afer all, since some agents (some jealous ones, darn crabs) complained that i had failed with the grades for one month. I only managed to get the passing for the quarter average. My sup, the teary sup from previous log, recommended me for promo since he didn't know about that policy of no fails for a month. He asked for documents supporting that policy, but the management team couldn't provide one. The positive feeling is slowly going negative now. We'll know the results by monday. The good thing with this is that my quarter 1 grades were actually excellent. So if they retract my quarter 4 promotion, they may still promote me for quarter 1 grades. but then i would have been promoted twice for both quarter4 and quarter1.
It's also a good thing though. There are too many crabs in the office, and i can't imagine working with crabs let alone bald lions and sups who i don't really bond with. It's difficult in the proffesional world. Atleast it is for me.
There's another issue that may be questioned for my q1 scores. FOr threee months, i've only had one survey. that means one customer who had time enough to answer the survey and grade me with excellent scores. i got flying scores for only one survey. That may be questioned, and one thing that they may be saying now is that I didn't send surveys to the other customers. Hell, bahala na, I am getting tired of being slaves of western companies anyway let alone getting shouted at by westerners. I couldn't even enjoy watching the westerner tv series anymore, because i keep thinking of them as irrate customers. ARrrghh... haaay.
Anyway, due to the stream of consciousness, i haven't answered the main question of this log. Why didn't I write before when I had positive feelings? Is it because negative feelings are stronger than positive ones. But all literature always refer to positives defeating negatives. to be continued...








Wednesday, May 02, 2007

the plus side

the previous log is about negative emotions. fear... disapointment.. guilt... and they make me ask myself if have i ever felt good this past year. and why haven't they been reason enough to make me write.
Maybe negative emotions always feels stronger than positive ones. That is actually the belief of the captain soldier enemy boss in Street fighter. He cultivated the negative energies and has that as his power source. It's the same with Ryu's mentor's brother. But then all stories always refer to light defeating the dark, happiness over sadness, plus over minus. Nawawala ang focus ng topic.. i was just wondering why the positive extreme feelings are not strong enough to make me write. pero meron. to be continued. chika times daw muna.

writing modes


i only write when i experience deep or strong emotions. and for the past year, i
have only experienced two strong emotions. By strong, im refering to feelings that
automatically twists your face, those that give you instant bodily reactions. like
tears or bright eyes, deep frowns, or on my case, a writing capacity or mood. And i
also noticed that those two strong emotions come from work and has to do with
disappointment. But not on my side. Nuh uh. On supervisors sides. Phew... Okay
i'll begin.

The latest one was when my direct supervisor asked me to be OiC for the day
as he will be absent. The shift is 11 am to 8 pm, called lean shift as agents
usually get only 10 calls or even lesss. Ayun, (darn.. its so hard to express thing
s in writing for a general audience...). Im a level 2 agent. level1 agents transfer
calls to us if they couldn't resolve it. So imagine how many calls, a level 2 agent
would get in a lean shift. 3 or 4 a day. Sarap, one can get to search and read
anything online. Pero that's also a bad thing for the scores coz with lesser
calls, you get less chance of hitting targets or team goals. (darn... this is a
call center orientation). Let me just make it short, I didn't do what the supervisor told me to do because
the team all wanted avail time (that is no calls, just browse browse, surf surf, games games.) outcome, next day, sup talks to me and expresses disappointment.

BUt it doesn't stop there. What is more heartdowning (is there such a word.. hehe) is that the sup was actually hurt by our team remarks when he called us yesterday.
sup: oh guys, kumusta kayo jan?
team: eto masaya, ala ka eh.
team: oo nga, wag ka na bumalik tl ha?
team: lalabas kami after shift, kasi wala ka!

just reading the above remarks do sound like they are offensive, and that is how the sup understood it, but that isn't really how the team meant it. There were more haha's or joke lang, or miss you sup. but the bottom line is, Supervisor felt bad to the extent that he'd been thinking of those remarks on his way back to manila. added to that, his supervisor coldly scolded him for our team's low grades. pheww... it was really tough..
he told me that when he talked to me about how he felt for the team and about his disappointments. Darn.. it was like a talk with a formator back when i was at the seminary, but this one was actually different for one thing.. the supervisor cried. darn... hahaha.. darn.. :) im not laughing. i am laughing at the difference but not at the Tl, i was actually saddened and i felt guilty and i pitied him.

His lines were like this...
gusto niyo ba na ibang pamamaraan ko ng pagtrato sa inyo, gusto niyong gawin ko din ung pagpapagalit ng sup ko sa akin dahil sa mababang grades niyo? gusto kong masaya ang team natin, pero pag di na umeepekto, okay lang sa akin na ibahin.
gusto ko na nga minsan magresign na lang kasi feeling ko di ako epektib na TL.
(all theses were said with a tear and some sobs) siyempre guilty naman ako...

Sorry TL, won't happen again... blablabal.. hindi naman talga ganun ung ibig namin sabihin eh... balablabala...
i made him feel a little better pero im sure he's stil mad at me... darn....

Ayun, that was the latest strong emotion... pity mingled with guilt and sadness. The other instance that is also office related is also with a supervisor. but this is a very different supervisor from my present team leader. This one is a fierce man. AGents fear him for being very strict, non sentimental, grumpy, and has an annoyingly loud voice. He saw me accessing friendster online from afar. Sinigaw ba naman...
"What is that pictures of naked ladies that you are looking at!?! Send me that link right now!"
Imagine masabihan nun at Christmas eve with many agents quietly doing their work. hahahah.. damn... what feeling was that then... fear. yeah fear and shame.

One reason is that, accessing non office related websites is cause for disciplinary action and secondly i was using mozilla, which was secretly installed on our servers by some hacker friend. two faults caught by that darn long haired sup. I always do browsing of nonrelated sites but i was caught this time because two officemates wanted to see more of the pics that i was browsing. and tanga ko naman, minaximize ko. ayun, kitang kita na.

Luckily, that sup moved to Cebu and i've never seen him again. :)